I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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