Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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