Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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