i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
