Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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