When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
