I just made out with a guy for $7.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
