I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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