You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
