I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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