i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
