I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize