I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My balls are so social today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
