can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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