someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
