so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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