Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dick very happy bro
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
