I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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