Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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