quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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