if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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