Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
