grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
