at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
