she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
