Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
