I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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