Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
