so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
