I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
