My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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