so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
