as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
