I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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