Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Im part way to drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
