You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
