dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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