she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love having hate sex.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
