Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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