I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dick very happy bro
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
