i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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