Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Panties = found
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
