You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
