we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
