Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
