I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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