I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
