ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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