Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
