i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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