my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
