So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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