you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
