If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
