You just made me feel so damn special
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
50% drunk capacity currently
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
