New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
