Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
