so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
