he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
