I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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