i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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