The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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