She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
