I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Vodka?
Forever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
