he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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