I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize