I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
