How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
