I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
