She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
