I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
