If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
